What is the Point of Going to the Doctor


Doctors are a bunch of the most useless, fucking retarded people on the planet. They never bother to look past the obvious, and jump to entirely too many conclusions.

Case in point… I have chronic – CHRONIC – sinus infections (thank you, Mom’s family, for that bullshit), strep throat, and also uvulitis. Sinus infections I can deal with. The stuffed up nose, the phleghmmy cough… whatever. Strep throat, no big deal, I don’t get any pain with it, and it usually goes away on its own.

Uvulitis, can’t do it. For those of you thinking dirty, the uvula is the pink ball that hangs in the back of your mouth. Mine likes to swell so that it cuts my throat off from, well, obtaining air. A salt-water rinse will usually reduce that, at least to the point where I only sound like I’m trying to talk to you with you with a mouth full of something, and it will also occasionally touch the back of my throat, or my tongue, making me feel like I may be choking.

I also have allergies. However, my allergies are unpredictable and completely different from year to year. One year pollen may make my eyes water. The next year it’ll make my nose run. The next three years it won’t effect me at all. Then there’s the year that it simply makes my throat dry and itchy, resulting in a dry, hacking, unproductive (that’s doctor-speak for ‘no fluid comes up’) cough. Also, it took five different doctors before this cough was attributed to allergies.

The first doctor told me it was nothing, and that it was in my head, and actually recommended a psychiatrist. The second one told me that I was dehydrated, if I drank more water this wouldn’t happen. I don’t remember what the third one told me, because I’m still laughing. The fourth one looked, saw how red my throat was (gee, maybe before for the past month I’ve been coughing 16 hours out of the day), and told me that that tickle I felt was acid… and that I had acid reflux disease. Even after the rattled off a list of the top symptoms and I told her I didn’t have any of them… she still prescribed Prilosec to me. She had made up her mind at the first glance of the red throat. Gee, lady, when I see someone bleeding on the street, and I incorrectly assume they’ve simply cut their leg shaving, even though there’s hair on the leg and they insist they’ve never even picked up a razor in their life, I’m going to ask more questions, not just recommend the Intuition.

Finally, the fifth guy, after like 46 seconds of questions and looking, was like, this is allergies. He gave me Allegra (i think it’s Allegra. It’s the generic stuff), and cough all gone. Wow. Easy

So today I have both a sinus infection AND uvulitis. So I’ve got a swollen throat, and a phlegmmy cough, which are acting against each other. Oh, and I think I’m getting strep too. Greeeaaat. I already have an appointment on Wednesday to follow-up on some other health issues I’ve been having. I called today to see if they could call in a nice bottle of amoxicillin to my pharmacy… they said no, we’d have examine you first. Um, okay, see, you just examined me less than three months ago, and being as how that was my 8th time with this ailment, we didn’t even go into a room, the doctor called me back, as soon as I went through the door she said open, I opened my mouth, she looked, she wrote the prescription right there. So, give me my fucking prescription. Not to mention, if I’m still down for the count with multiple other ailments on Wednesday and my immune system is all compromised, how are you going to accurately judge what’s going on with the other issue?

Fucking bitches. I’m going to immediate care where they actually get things done.

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About Melissa Limasse

| Real name - Yeah right | Location – The State of Being | Worth - $2,425,486 | Education – B.A. Sociology and Psychology, A.As. in Criminal Justice | Single, childless, and completely satisfied with both, Ms. Limasse doesn’t fit into the traditional “female” mold. Most people would say she’s intimidating. Anything that she says here she has most likely already said out loud View all posts by Melissa Limasse

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