Being the Breadwinner

Okay, I in no way signed up for this shit.

I’ve never been one to back down from or avoid confrontation (just ask my manager, I love hearing clients get into heated discussions with agents, I’m just waiting for those magic words, “Let me talk to your supervisor.” Then I swoop in like Batman).

Unfortunately, I’m having a really hard time coming up with a way to tell my increasingly-less-significant other that he needs to get off his fucking ass and find a real job. I’ve got a few ideas floating around, I mean, I certainly do not object to always playing the same song every time he gets into the car. Or maybe setting it as my text notification, so that he hears it alllllll the time.

The situation is making me feel ridiculously frustrated. He works for his uncle’s construction-type company right now. His uncle is an independent constractor. Now, I dunno about you, but I recall summer being prime time for construction. The problem is that the uncle blows goats at marketing himself, so they haven’t had work in over three weeks. In hindsight, I’ve realized that there have been at least a week between jobs in the three months now that I’ve known him, and he’s complained multiple times about this. So… he’s mentioned that he would feel guilty bailing on his uncle, but if that’s seriously the only thing keeping him at a job where he’s not making any money… then there’s clearly a bigger issue.

But that being said… if you have a JOB and yet have no INCOME, then obviously this job is not working out for you. Maybe you should start considering finding employment elsewhere, even if it’s only part time. My God, how can you even survive with no funds coming in?

What’s really making me angry is that he doesn’t appear to be looking for anything. I’ve had several friends who were recently unemployed, but I couldn’t fault them for it because every single day they were dropping applications everywhere they could, interviewing their asses off, even sucked up their pride and went to temp agencies.

This guy… sleeps till at least 2pm, then sits on his tuckus all day playing games or doing who knows what. For instance, the other night we had plans to hang out, but I got distracted by some CSS for my website… I told him I’d be late, he said he was just playing video games, and to take my time. Two hours later I finally left the house. Do you know how many applications you could have submitted in those two hours? Pretty sure the only time he leaves the house is when I come over and we go somewhere. Oh yeah, that’s right – has no car. Talks about getting one, but doesn’t. Talks about fixing up the broken down one that he has at his dad’s, but doesn’t. All this talking, but no goddamn action.

Earlier on, I was all about taking turns paying for stuff. I’m not that girl that wants nor expects her boyfriend (or any man, for that matter) to always pay for her all the time. When we go to see Strictly Hip or Suckerpunch, because those are my friends, I’d pay the cover for both of us, and he’d buy a few rounds of drinks. This was still a lopsided arrangement, because please keep in mind that it is my car being used no matter what it is we do. I’m going through an extra quarter tank each week, so an extra full tank a month. Anyway, when we used to go out to dinner, I would make all kinds of effort to pay. If, for instance, we went out on Tuesday and he paid, I would at least cover the tip. If we then went out on Saturday, I would pay. Period. Full bill and tip. I didn’t really notice it at the time, but thinking back… wow.

I’m not your sugar mama.

Now, the first time there was a lull in work, and I wanted to go see X-Men: First Class, he spoke up first, and said, I’d love to go, but we didn’t have any work this week so I have no money. I really wanted to go, so I said, that’s cool, I’ll get us both this time. But now… I feel like he just expects me to pay for everything. We went to my cousin’s place the other night, and when I picked him up I said I had to stop to pick up some drinks on the way. We stop at the store, I get my bitch drink (Seagram’s Jamaican Me Happy) and he gets a 6pack of beer. Checking out now, and he puts his beer right there behind mine. I paid for my drinks, and he was like, uh, I kinda need you to get mine too. Well, uh, then I guess you kinda don’t need to drink any beer tonight. But of course I didn’t say that, I just paid for it and called it a freaking night.

A week later, we’re out on the river, and I see an ice cream stand. I said, ooh, I could go for an ice cream cone later. So we walk the length of the bike patch along the river, and on the way back I start heading for the ice cream stand, when he’s heading for the car. Where are you going. Well, we have to get your purse (I only had my keys with me). Really? Really dude? You can’t cough up two bucks to get your girlfriend a fucking ice cream cone? I place my order, now he jumps in with his. Like, oh, okay, so now I’m paying for you again, is that it? No heads up? This shit’s really getting on my nerves.

And of course, I’d like to reiterate, that it’s not that he has no money that’s bothering me; it’s the fact that he does nothing about it.

Since I can no longer afford to pay every time we go out to eat, to the movies, to the bar, to do anything, I no longer suggest ideas that cost money. So, that’s narrowing it it down to watching movies at his place, or going to the park or the river. That’s it. That’s allllll we do. Which means it’s just the two of us. Me and him. He and I. All the time. All. The. Fucking. Time. When I do suggest something that will still be free and yet involve other people (like my beach plans from Sunday), he’s turns it down because he “didn’t get enough sleep” and will “just be too cranky.” He doesn’t do anything all day, so he doesn’t have anything to talk about. I don’t know what kind of rock the man hides under because he doesn’t know anything about any current events. I told him about how my Casey Anthony verdict article was actually coming up in the first few results in searches for the crazy whore, and he was like, that’s great! But who’s Casey Anthony? Whaaaat?

There’s some other stuff too, but I don’t want to run into any TMI. Let’s just say that I seem to be the one running things in all areas of life. Just once I would like to not have to be the one doing all the work, damnit. Are you just content to sit back and watch life happen all around you with everything in your life?

So now I’m stuck in a situation where I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t know how bring up my frustration without calling him a lazy ass. I don’t know if this is something even worth discussing. I feel like I should really just be bailing on the whole situation. That kind of makes me sound like an asshole, I’m fully aware, I’m just looking at it like this: I don’t feel like I’m even into him anymore. If I was, I don’t think I would find the piddly things so annoying (and the list of piddly things is long… like how he chugs an entire bottle of water in like 10 seconds, and I mean chugs. I can hear his esophogial muscles working  from across the room with the TV on, dude swallows so damn loud. Think of a water cooler, and how loud the bubbles are when you get water from it. It sounds like that – but a wetter sound because it’s coming from throat! Or the incessant freakin snuggling – dude, it’s easily ten degrees hotter in your room than it is outside, because, again, you can’t be bothered to get even a fan for your room – and bed-hogging), which is what’s leading me to believe that it might be time to walk away. I think if I actually was into him, I would be more invested.

I dunno. It’s not cool to expect me to support your ass. Get a fucking job. Get a mode of transportation. Just DO something. Stop sitting around being miserable and take control. If you are not getting any regular work doing what you’re doing, find someplace where you will. A reputable company. Maybe go back to doing collections like you used to.  Or find something completely different. Just make some semblance of an effort.  I’m slowly going broke the longer we’re together. I haven’t changed any of my normal spending habits, and the past few weeks I’ve found myself on a $60 budget that had to last over a week until the next paycheck came. This past week I had to dip into the savings account I set up for my godson. Come on dude.


About Melissa Limasse

| Real name - Yeah right | Location – The State of Being | Worth - $2,425,486 | Education – B.A. Sociology and Psychology, A.As. in Criminal Justice | Single, childless, and completely satisfied with both, Ms. Limasse doesn’t fit into the traditional “female” mold. Most people would say she’s intimidating. Anything that she says here she has most likely already said out loud View all posts by Melissa Limasse

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