In honor of hump day (and the fact that I checked my timesheet today and found that Friday is one of the random days I scheduled myself off months ago, so that means I get two long weekends in a row!) I’ve decided to provide you a handy cheat sheet to deducing the real meaning behind some phrases you might hear regularly around the office.
“I’d like to build on that point…”
There are actually two translations of this, and it depends who is saying it to whom. One interpretation, when spoken to some higher on the food chain, is: “You’re full of shit, but you’re my boss.” The second meaning, when said to someoneon an even keel with you, is: “Your ideas are stupid, so let’s use mine instead.” Think about the last time these words crossed your lips. Did you actually expand on the current point, or introduce something new
“Thanks, I’ll take that into consideration.”
This is often a follow-up to the previous statement. It means, “Your opinion doesn’t matter, and I wasn’t even listening.”
“CC me on that.”
This one is very simple: “I don’t trust your ass for a second.”
“We need everyone to do their due diligence!”
And egocentric cry of desperation. “I have an MBA! I’m smarter than you! And my penis is bigger too!“
“We’re launching a new program/system/initiative/department.”
Plain and simple: “Your life is going to be a nightmare for the next six months while we figure out what your job is even going to be.” This is one I am very familiar with, as we are currently in the midst of this. My job description has changed on a monthly basis. It changes without us even knowing about it. Our department was just created a year ago, and in the next month, with be dissolved completely into two new departments.
“We have a change in strategy.”
This is a loose translation, but basically, this phrase means: “We have no idea what we’re doing.” It is the most oft-uttered statement approximately four-to-five months down the road from the one above, starting to manifest around the time the natives start to get restless, and question the success of the new program/system/initiative/department.
Now you’re in the know my friends, and can easily navigate through a shitty meeting. No longer at risk of being eaten alive by the corporate machine, you can giggle your way through the exchange when all the stuffed shirts talk a big game. Enjoy!