Zombocalypse Zurvival

Yeah yeah, lame title, but I really couldn’t help but be that kitschy. It was just there.

I have many different books and TV shows that I always want to talk about, but I’ve finally gotten to a point that I absolutely have to talk about the Walking Dead, and my own plans in the case of the dreaded zombie apocalypse.

First off – and if any of you spills the beans I will kill you – I watched the season finale today, even though I did promise my friend I would wait until Tuesday to watch it with him. I even went so far as to delete the recording, but alas, AMC likes to show it over and over and over, so I did catch it anyway. Frankly, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to stay away long enough to wait two entire days.

So, as one who has not read the comic but knows people who do, my opinion of the show is pretty straightforward, and only occasionally littered with the typical “that’s not how it’s supposed to go.”  I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with it (nowhere near the relationship I had with Lost) but it’s mild. Love far outweighs the hate. The only hate I have now is that amount of central and just almost central characters who died in such a short time. And Carl’s obnoxious impetulence. Both of these things are included in the official rules of the apocalypse that my friend and I have been compiling.

I can’t even allow myself to get fully into the finale today, because if I start, I’ll end up fleshing things out and then when I talk about it with my friend I’ll totally give away the fact that I had a couple days to think about it. So I’ll only say this: WHO DRIVES AN RV UP TO A SHIT-TON OF ZOMBIES WITH DOORS AND WINDOWS OPEN! Oh I can’t handle it.

Now, let’s talk about our plans for survival. Our crew will be small. It has to be. Less liabilities. Pharmacies and Kmart (because everyone will be at Walmart) will be raided for medicine and weaponry, as well as other supplies. No bleeders will be allowed on my watch, so all forms of contraception will be taken from the pharmacy, and they will be abused – placebo week will not be taking place. If there are any children or anyone with shitty, shitty accuracy in the group, they will be armed with paintball guns. Anyone who’s ever been hit with a good-sized paintball knows how much it hurts, and has probably had the thought cross their mind that they were about to lose a limb. Sooo… if this can slow down an ambler for even just a second, giving someone else time to put one through their head, this is a major benefit, and avoids getting taken down by friendly fire.

Many distractive things will be obtained, flares, fireworks, kids toys, anything that will cause misdirection. Traps will be set. Safe houses will be scouted. Please note the plural. We won’t get hemmed up at a farm. Safe houses will be disposable, and not accessible from the ground floor except by retractable ladder/fire escape, with more than one of these access points. When it comes to vehicles, we are aiming for both heft and manueverability, as well as gas mileage. No RVs, but I would like to take over an armored money truck, just for the fortress aspect, and it would have to be fitted in the front with a snow plow, the v-shaped kind.  Other possible vehicles potentially include the H3, just due to its lack of bulk, and small hybrids. The larger trucks will be for serious relocation, the smaller cars for quick runs for supplies; all will be eqipped with barred windows.

I’m starting to get more creative when it comes to homemade weapons, both from playing (see also: watching my friend play) many different zombie video games, and from discussing plans with other people, and I’d like to believe I can actually build those things in the stress of the situation should it actually arise. Note to self: at least one member of crew must have some type of mechanical or engineering knowledge.

Oh… one more Walking Dead thing… I would need to meet someone like Daryl, maybe our group runs into his and we all befriend each other, and he would become my knight in rusty armor. Take a zombie out with a crossbow and rescue me on the back of a motorcycle, please.


About Melissa Limasse

| Real name - Yeah right | Location – The State of Being | Worth - $2,425,486 | Education – B.A. Sociology and Psychology, A.As. in Criminal Justice | Single, childless, and completely satisfied with both, Ms. Limasse doesn’t fit into the traditional “female” mold. Most people would say she’s intimidating. Anything that she says here she has most likely already said out loud View all posts by Melissa Limasse

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