Self-Esteem and Promiscuity

There are tons of people who agree that promiscuity in girls and woman is tied to a negative self-image, and the belief that engaging in sexual activity is a replacement for a true connection to someone that they otherwise cannot obtain. Also, that engaging in sex so often then further exacerbates the feeling of low-self worth, and leads to guilt.

Then there are the people who are like, um, hello? Girls get horny too and sex feels good. Why shouldn’t they do what they want?

I’m on the fence on this one. On one hand, I definitely agree that in girls and young women, if they’re out banging everything, it can be in an effort to be liked. Everyone knows that horny young boys only want one thing, and at a young age, girls can be subject to an intense amount of pressure. The classic “if you love me you’ll do it” or “if you don’t do it, I’ll just find someone else who will.”

But if you were a virgin until you were just shy of 21, having resisted the sexual advances of many a hormonal boy, and when you did give it up, it was to someone you truly, honestly cared for and thought you might be with forever… then decide that you enjoy the activity, does this still apply?

In the age-old case of double standards, why is it that women who have multiple partners must suffer from low-self esteem when no one makes these assumptions of men?

In case you couldn’t see through my thinly veiled paragraph above, I am that young woman, who was all about, hells nah boys, this ish is for someone special (I always knew somehow that I wouldn’t wait till marriage, despite all the pledges to the contrary that I signed during my 10+ years of Catholic education). So, after four years of building a relationship with someone, I chose to take that next step. It was pretty fantastic.

But alas, things did not last forever. I met other guys. Some were worthy of this bizz, many were not. The ones that were, were granted a membership. I’m nowhere near as slutty as I occasionally make myself out to be, and my ‘number’ isn’t even close to what someone would guess. I am also probably one of the cockiest people you’ll ever meet. I do have genuine modesty though, and that is annoying. If you tell me I look nice today, I’m quick with the “Uh, yeah, I know.” but if you’re my manager telling me that the team really looks up to me I’m moved to tears and waving my hand at you to stop. Similarly, I do enjoy attention but hate to be the center of it.  In every picture of every birthday party I ever had growing up, the scene during the birthday song is me bawling my eyes out, or holding my hands over my ears, running from the table, or otherwise hating having ever person in the room stare at me.  But for this woman… low self-esteem is not a problem.

I had someone say to me that the fact I feel the need to clarify “I’m not as slutty as a make myself out to be” is a sign of low image and guilt. I can see where that logic comes from, but I’m defensive in general because of the eleven years I spent at a job where no one had anything else to do but spread rumors. If you spoke to a member of the opposite sex for more than five minutes a day more than five days in a row, you were automatically sleeping together. That’s not to say they were always wrong about people, but the shit got really annoying really fast when you’re linked to ten different guys, only one of which has actually known you intimately.

Luckily, I’ve long since left that place, although the drama still continues from time to time. *eyeroll*

I have zero guilt for what/who I’ve done in my life. A friend of mine went full-on repentent over the two people she had been with, feeling so whorish about it that she ‘found God’ and went born-again Christian before getting married. I don’t know if her husband was a virgin when they got married, and frankly, it’s none of my business. The difference though, is that her guilt stemmed more from being so brazen as to enjoy sex simply for the sake of sex, than it did for being with two people, because the one was a long-term boyfriend (four years) and the second was just a fling. The boyfriend, she was fine with, it was the fling that seems to have sent her over the edge. So she ended up with guilt and low self-esteem over simply having sex, not even being promiscuous.

Then I have a friend who is on par with Samantha Jones, hell, all the women of S&TC put together, but the Samantha reference works in the sense that she’s a powerful businesswoman and simply doesn’t take shit from anyone.

I think it all depends on the person and the age, specifically, the age at which they become sexually active. Seriously. In high school, and even for a little while after, you’re still in the process of forming your identity, figuring out what you like. If you mix sex into that, it’s a recipe for disaster. If you’re an adult, fully capable of deciding what you want and knowing all potential risks associated with it, then what is the problem?

There’s also an overlap factor. If you have multiple partners all going on at the same time, then maybe – maybe – you’re searching for something and using sex to fill that need. I can see that.

Really though, who cares who’s sleeping with whom? When did this country revert to such Puritanical ideals that we have to analyze the driving emotion behind two people getting in on?  We’re so repressed as a nation that something as beautiful as a mother breastfeeding her child, something that’s supposed to be so bonding, is frowned up and “disgusting”, because we can’t see breasts as anything other than “big ol’ titties”. This is why everything in this never-ending birth control debate keeps coming back to ‘women just want to have sex without consequences’. If it was that easy, we’d find another way. Please take sex out of the equation. We have twitters dedicated to nip-slips. Wardrobe malfunctions are headline news for weeks at a time.

If everyone stopped thinking about sex all the time, do you know how much shit would get done in this country?


About Melissa Limasse

| Real name - Yeah right | Location – The State of Being | Worth - $2,425,486 | Education – B.A. Sociology and Psychology, A.As. in Criminal Justice | Single, childless, and completely satisfied with both, Ms. Limasse doesn’t fit into the traditional “female” mold. Most people would say she’s intimidating. Anything that she says here she has most likely already said out loud View all posts by Melissa Limasse

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