There Goes the Neighborhood

I can be nice when I want to be, really I can, but working with the public for so long has made me an imbittered person with little faith in humaity (Thanks Home Improvement Warehouse!).  But my distaste for my trashy neighbors is not just due to my general distaste for other people.  My distastes comes from the fact that they are the epitome of white trash, WT from now on.  I live next door to a rental house.  When I bought my house these people did not live there.  They moved in right before we closed.  I was already under contract.  Had these miscreants lived there when I first looked at the property I probably would not have purchased it.  Here is a short list of why I do not like my neighboors.

Offense #1

They have two flea infested pit bulls, one which barks all the time, who are tied up in the back yard living in their own filth. This is a clear violation of several city ordinances but if I call it in the dogs will more than likely be euthanized so I do not because I feel bad for the poor dogs. That bark all the time. And keep my yard infested with fleas even though I treat it. Therefore I have to keep re-treated my house, yard, and dogs.  At first they had three but got rid of the 3rd one.  They bought a coon hound puppy to bread with the male pit they had left to make “hog huntin'” dogs to sell.  WTF?  I was unaware we had a wild hog problem here in Rural/Suburbia, KY.  Perhaps they were confused and thought they lived in Arkansas.  They got rid of him because they “knew the landlord would bitch about it.”  Um yeah.  As of late there has been another pit I have seen sitting on the front porch with the husband.  I’ve only seen him a couple of times.  If he’s living there he’s shitting in the house.  Because that’s what they needed, yet another dog, but this one gets to stay and shit in the house.  Enough said.

Offense #2

They have 4 kids and another one on the way and neither of them work. She’s very pregnant and smokes.  Maybe it’s the hater in me but why do we have to stuggle so hard for everything we have and these people do not have to work, do not go to school, and just keep having kids?  Where do they get the money for this?  How do they afford ciggerettes?  Did WIC start giving these out and I not hear about it?  He drives a Cadillac for fuck’s sake!  And older Caddie, but a Caddie nonetheless.  I drive a Jeep I saved up for 5 years for and still had to finance and Gabe’s Camry is a 95 and is falling apart.  But the car doesn’t bother me as much as the ciggerettes.  The likelihood of us ever being able to have children (should we even decide we want them) is slim to none.  Not to mention those I personally know that stuggle to conceive and yet here’s Marlboro Mom next door puffing away.  Hello bitch, turn the package to the side and read it!  You are pregnant!  WTF?

Offense #3

They have people coming and going all the time with loud vehicles and voices. One of the people even has a horn on their car that sounds like a train horn.  A TRAIN HORN!  I kept asking where the railroad tracks were until we figured out it was this douchbag’s car horn.  Sometimes these jackasses park in our driveway, which is on the other side of their house. I came home from work today and couldn’t get in my own driveway because one of their friends was parked in it. I had to sit there and wait for them to pull out.  And this person is at their house all the time.  It’s not like they are unaware it’s our driveway.

Offense #4

The have a giant tent set up in the back yard, and have for the last week. They kids (ages 10 through 1) camp often. At night, late at night, causing said dogs to bark.  Under our bedroom window.  And they have a huge bonfire in the backyard.  With no firepit.  In the middle of the city limits.  With no way to control it, it’s just a fire on the ground.  Next to my house.  And not only are their kids out there, they invite their kids’ friends over too!  SPRING BREAK! Except, some of us work.  Like us over here next door.

Offense #5

They have a BB gun that the various kids and revolving adults shoot it in their back yard. When we first moved in I found a dead dove on the back porch with a BB size hole in its neck.  While I have no proof that they shot this bird, I can put two and two together.  I am constantly worried they will shoot one or both of my little dogs.  Plus if they did shoot this bird, they should have made some effort to retrieve it.  We didn’t have a lock on the fence at this time.  It’s just tacky, and wrong, even if it was an accident.

Offense #6

They throw shit in our yard and my dogs get it. This week it was 1/2 a full size football, torn up. I’ve caught Gus chewing up the arm of an action figure. God knows what he’s gotten a hold of that I don’t know about. He threw up twice last week.  We’ve found various toys and balls thrown over the fence into our yard.  They do not have a fence.  And it’s never things that are in good shape, it’s always stuff that should go in the trash, I am unsure whether or not they just do not have anything that doesn’t look like trash or if they are throwing this crap in our yard on purpose because they don’t want it anymore.  Either way, parents, keep a closer eye on your little hoodlums.  The other day I get a knock at the door and it’s the wife,  “I hate to bother you but your dog has one of our bubble wands and I don’t think he should be eating it.”  So I go out there, chase the dog around the yard for 10 minutes and finally wrestle away the bubble wand.  It’s huge.  Does this look like a dog toy to you?

Of course to my little Boston it looks like a stick.  A yummy chewy stick with which we must play keep-away with  Mommy.  How FUN.

During this, I hear her scolding the kinds not to give their toys to the dog.  ARE YOU SERIOUS? At least she came and told me about it this time.

Offense #7

They pile up shit in their front yard.  AND LEAVE IT THERE FOR DAYS BEFORE TRASH DAYS.  They also throw their trash down in the yard, which then blows into my yard.  MY FRONT YARD!!!!  How hard is it just to pick up your shit?  Really.  REALLY?!?!?  

So you see, even though I may be a hateful bitch, at least in this case I’m justified in it.  I’m not sure how to deal with these people.  I welcome any suggestions.  Reasonable suggestions, that is.


About littlestabsathappiness

I'm 31, or 29B if you will, living in a small college town in the Bible Belt. I'm sort of a hippie, a little bitter, love to cook and craft, love Boston Terriers, am in grad school and am a teacher at a private Christian high school. I have two dogs, who are my children. My life is ridiculous, absurd things always happen to me and hilarity usually ensues. View all posts by littlestabsathappiness

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