Adventures in Online Dating: The Psycho-Child


So, let’s preface this with all the necessary backstory…

I had a friend. This friend is a male, and he’s about 5 years younger than me. This friend was there for me through some incredibly rough times over the years, which is something I never would have expected when I first met him. We were a lot closer than most people knew, and I cared about him a lot. He, his brother, and I all used to work together and I knew his parents, even though I think his mom hated me, but that was for the following reason: For the last half of our friendship, our relationship turned physical. Since he lived at home, she caught me more than once sneaking out in the morning. He was a huge part of my life, and I hoped that he always would be. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case, and he truly broke my heart. But that’s a different story.

He drove a motorcycle, and one evening, was in an accident. I, of course, freaked out. His brother and I were at work, and when their mom called him, he told me. So his brother left work to go to the hospital, while I had to stick around and be stressed, because the only update I had was “he’s in and out of consciousness.” His brother provided me with updates through the night.

To kill time once I got home, I checked Facebook, email, a million other things. My email included a notice about my OkCupid Quiver match list (to non-OkC people, your Quiver list contains the top matches that OkC wants to make sure you know about. I have also since then turned off the notifications because 98% of the time they are people that I would have no interest in). I usually just glance over the Quiver list and move on, but I noticed a few things this particular time: One guy’s been on my last 3 Quiver matches, might be worth checking out, and hey, guy #2 looks like someone I went to high school with. I log in to investigate. Guy #2 is indeed someone I went to high school with, the 3-time Quiver Match Champ was sent a wink, and I noticed, hey, I have a few messages. Onto the inbox I go.

Hey, there’s a message from that nice boy I said something to a month ago. It was grayed out and I never got the notification about it because he was far too young for me, but I had originally messaged him because he seemed like a nice kid, he said he’d been cheated on 20 times, I told him he needed better friends to point out the bitches to stay away from. Nothing to insinuate that I had any interest in hanging out with him, but I just wanted to say something nice.

Anyway, in the message he sent back, Young Boy told me he wanted to hang out, and I replied back. Later, we exchanged phone numbers and he called. We talked for almost an hour. Well, he talked, mostly because I was completely drained, both physically and mentally – still no news from the hospital. He was informed that I had motorcycle friend in my life. We made tentative, half-ass plans to hang out in the afternoon the next day, to hang out and watch movies.

The next day, I was awakened by a really annoying phone call at 5:30 am, asking me to come in to work. I didn’t want to, it was my day off and I really really needed it, but I always welcomed the chance for overtime. And go in I did, taking a break in the middle of the day to make the doctor’s appointment I already had scheduled. On my way there, I checked my phone, Young Boy had already called three times, at 8:30, at 9, and at 10. This was already annoying because the night before I distinctly remember telling him that I usually sleep until at least 10 on my days off. Secondly, why are you calling me three times in less than two hours? Leave a freaking message and I’ll get back to you.

When I saw my missed calls, I saw that one was also from my motorcycle friend, and he left a voicemail. I then returned the Young Boy’s phone call(s) on my way back to work. I told him our ‘plans’ would have to be postponed because I had to work, and I wouldn’t be able to just come over after work because then I was going up to the hospital. He told me that was fucked up, that we already had plans, I shouldn’t just be breaking them to hang out with someone else. I defended myself, let him now that a) our plans weren’t exactly set in stone, and b) our plans were actually broken by my having to go to work. He got smart and hung up the phone. This annoyed me, and later when I got home, I did something juvenile and changed my OkC profile to open with, “Right off the bat, I don’t like jealousy and temper tantrums” (it was a passive aggressive moment).

Later, between work and the hospital, I received an email from Young Boy, telling me he doesn’t like fakes and liars. Excuse me, but when was  fake and where did I lie? He was informed that I had this friend, and that he was in the hospital. I’ve been completely upfront from the beginning. Sorry if you’re upset that someone I’ve known for three years and is hurt in the hospital takes priority over you, someone I’ve never even met and have only spoken to once. Anyway, over the course of the “conversation,” he called me a whore, told me he thought I’m just looking for sex anyway (oh, and here I’d like to point out during our phone conversation he spent at least 30 minutes talking about how horny he was and how he was getting hard just talking to me. I said absolutely nothing sexual at all), and the real zinger, that I fucked up because I chose a fuck buddy over love.

LOVE? Dude, I don’t even KNOW you. Never even met you. Told you upfront that this was not that kind of relationship. And if you’re so childish that you can’t even just reschedule, then you’re no one I want to be friends with anyway. Plus, you were the one with all these grandiose plans of how I was gonna spend the whole day with you well into the evening. Newsflash: I can’t sit around and watch movies with your underage ass all day long. If anything, I was gonna make it through two movies and be out of your place by 6, 7 at the latest, at which point I would then follow through with my regular Tuesday plans at 7:30. So, to be exact, those are the friends I bailed on to go to the hospital. Furthermore, again, I haven’t even met you, we are not in love, we are not a couple, so you have absolutely no right to get mad. Even if we were in a relationship, you still would have no right to get mad. When one of my best friends is in the hospital, they take priority over everyone, no matter whether they’re male, female, someone I used to date, someone I slept with, or just a friend.

Anyway, Young Boy then told me I was just like all the other cunts, and I called the baggage card. Obviously he never got over being cheated on, and was not yet able to deal with the real world. He called me immature. Yes. My going into work to gave me extra hours so I can pay more bills, which prevented me from hanging out with him, and then bailing on the weekly acoustic show by one completely understanding friend to go see an injured friend shows incredible immaturity. Then he told me that I hurt him bad, and at this point, I was starting to get angry, so I told him he shouldn’t fall so hard and so fast then. If you were in love with me from talking to me on the phone for an hour, then you have obsession issues. I have absolutely no commitment to you. Just because we met on a ‘dating’ site, does not mean we are dating. If you can’t deal with the fact that I have friends, that I have a life, and again, since I have never met you, those friends and that life are currently a higher priority, then the problem lies with you.
His response (no editing):  “no its yours not mine lil whore grow up hit me back disease pool.”
I closed by saying: “Whatever. Had a fun night talking to you, so, thanks for that. You should probably wait till your anger and jealousy issues subside before you go looking for love. In my honest opinion, after this little demonstration, this is probably why you got cheated on so much.”
I then blocked his email address.

So the kid was persistent with his bullshit. I didn’t think to block his phone number, and five days later, he called and left a voicemail telling me he wanted to bone, so call him back.  Unfortunately, I can’t let stupid people get the last word, so I had to call him and inform him of how psychotic he was. He kept going back and forth with his dumb arguments, calling me a whore and every other word he could think of, and then got mad at me when I called him a bitch. He was all like, don’t you dare call me a bitch. Excuse me, you’ve called me every name in the book, I’m entitled to at least call you a bitch. I then reminded him of all the words he called me. He denied it. Then he started telling me again how he loved me. I was stunned, I just screamed You are psycho!

He then claimed to be bipolar, which I shot down, because bipolar doesn’t make your mood change every five minutes, contrary to popular belief. He kept making allusions to how he was going to kill himself in two weeks and that he was going to mention me in the suicide note, and I would get in trouble for that. I had to argue this of course, being the criminal justice major that I was, because no one gets in trouble for someone else’s suicide (this was before the current bullying laws, and I didn’t bully him anyway, so even if this did happen now, it wouldn’t mean much).

Moving on, he went from screaming at me and calling me a whore to then telling me he loves me again. He said we should just fuck, because obviously I fuck all my friends (referring to motorcycle friend). Then he kept telling me he’s sure I cheat on my boyfriends, kept telling me once a cheater always a cheater. Made no sense to me, since I’ve never cheated, but, whatever. He said, “How do I know that? I don’t know that?” Which gave me the window to be like, exactly, because you don’t know me, so stop making judgements.

Then… after I’d asked him several times if he was going to apologize, he kept saying no, then said he was going to, then said he was hoping to start over, then said he wasn’t going to apologize, then said if he does, it’s because he’s decided to give me another chance, then some other bullshit. During this ranting and his back and forth being psycho and then being lovey dovey, I told him, you know what you sound like? One of those guys who beats his wife or girlfriend and then turns around like, I’m sorry, I’ll never do it again, but then does it again the next day. To which he completely snapped, and in quite possibly the scariest voice I’ve ever heard, screams “don’t ever compare me to one of those people!” and then hung up on me. Guess I hit a nerve.

Then he called back. I was curious, so I answered but I didn’t say anything. He apologized. I said, “So you’re choosing to prove my point?” He hung up. He called back. I was on my back patio with my feet up and a lemonade in my hand, and frankly, had that ‘I could do this all day’ feeling, so I answered. He apologized again. I remained silent. He started screaming at me again, whore, slut, you fuck anything that moves, no wonder you’re single, you got dumped by all your boyfriends because you cheated on all of them with your friend. Really? I finally called him a creeper, told him that if he ever contacted me again I would have him arrested for harassment. I then hung up on him. Rejected his next phone call and quickly added it to the auto-reject list.

Sometimes I wonder whatever happened to him. Wonder if was considered the 21st girl to cheat on him. Because he clearly wasn’t really cheated on as often as he claimed. How does someone allow themselves to be cheated on so much? It’s impossible. Obviously he created all these relationships in his head, and as soon as someone did something like cancel plans or not show him affection, he saw that as cheating. His profile is now gone. I would love to know if he has a new one.

These are exactly the kind of guys I went on a dating site to avoid. But then again, you get what you pay for…

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About Melissa Limasse

| Real name - Yeah right | Location – The State of Being | Worth - $2,425,486 | Education – B.A. Sociology and Psychology, A.As. in Criminal Justice | Single, childless, and completely satisfied with both, Ms. Limasse doesn’t fit into the traditional “female” mold. Most people would say she’s intimidating. Anything that she says here she has most likely already said out loud View all posts by Melissa Limasse

7 responses to “Adventures in Online Dating: The Psycho-Child

  • GoodyGoody

    No disrespect intended but that was a tedious read. Why did you continue to communicate with this kid after the first time he called you a whore? That comment alone warrants only one response: being ignored and blocked from contact.

    Any time any online twit defaults right to the lame “slut”, “whore”, “cunt” quips because they don’t get the attention they think they deserve are well beyond reasoning with. Your best bet is to forget trying to get the last word – give them what they DON’T want and ignore them.

    • Melissa Limasse

      In all honesty, it was way too entertaining watching him unravel. In general, blocking is my immediate response, but sometimes, I find I have this manipulative streak that makes me want to see how far I can push someone like that. And really, I wouldn’t have anything to write about if I ended it right there.
      He attempted to contact me nearly a year later to apologize, but that time he was ignored.

  • Erin

    LMMFAO! Story of my life! How can a man be so emotionally disturbed like that? And to someone he has never even met in person? Jesus! That is grade A psycho right there, in obvious combination with being bipolar, narcissistic and a sociopath. Holy shit! Same situation happened to me tonight. This guy was beyond crazy. Although he never said he loved me, thank fucking Christ! But the guy did something far more ridiculous. After he was done cussing me out, then apologizing a gazillion times, then cussing me out, he took it upon himself to send me a Dick pic with a caption. It said “suck on this you stupid fucking cunt Bitch!” At that point I had had enough of his shit and did the same thing you did. Which was telling him if he did not stop I was going to call the police for sexual and verbal harassment. I said to him “i’m sure the police would love to see that picture. Classy.” He hasn’t text or called since, but he did continue to talk shit further on the site I met him on so I just blocked him. Problem solved. What an idiot he was. I mean, IS.

    • Melissa Limasse

      HAHAHA! Seriously, where do these people come from?

      • Erin

        Good question lol. Fucking lunatics. Like really, are some guys really that emotionally and mentally unstable that they can’t even handle a polite rejection such as “thank you for the message, but i’m just not interested.” ? ? ? God forbid someone rejects them at least once in their lifetime! These guys go from telling a woman she is beautiful, sweet, funny, nice……to full on cussing her out and calling her ungodly names. Umm……QUE (what)? Its like “uh, so that means you love fugly bitches, because correct me if i’m wrong, but weren’t YOU the one who hit on me to begin with? Yeah, exactly. Are you on your period? Stop embarrassing yourself. I don’t like you, get over it Nimrod” lol.

  • Adventures in Online Dating: Negging | Ambrosia

    […] so I have a problem not arguing with people. That’s how the Psycho-Child drama unfolded. Luckily, I’m well-practiced at it, and I can make my point without slipping […]

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