I’m Two Weeks Pregnant Today!


At least, I would be if I lived in Arizona. Because I had sex today. Because, science. It was consensual sex too, therefore, I must be extra pregnant…well on my way into the first trimester… because since I chose to have sex and wasn’t forced into it, my uterus didn’t automatically shut it down. Better start saving up for my baby shower, friends, or the funeral; that is, if I get my period because clearly there’s a high probability that I’m flushing out a dead kid at that point.

I know everyone has varying viewpoints on the topic of abortion, but seriously guys? SERIOUSLY?? What the actual fuck, Arizona. Yes, this is also directed at you too, Todd Akin and friends. Can we at least agree to stick to biological fact, instead of imaginative science? Can we please give women that level of respect?

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