Rape is Not Sex


More of a rant than anything, I’m having a really hard time conceptualizing WHY so many people equate rape with someone failing to control their desire, particularly when they victim blame.

Rape is about exerting power over someone. Even if a person takes you home, flirts with you, engages in foreplay with you, they reserve the right to say no at any time. If you choose to overtake them and force yourself on them instead, it isn’t about “controlling your sexual desires,” it’s about controlling that person.

Why is this so hard to understand?

If choice of clothing is the issue, why didn’t anyone blame the victims of Jerry Sandusky for wearing shorts, tight football uniforms, or tank tops?

Both photos taken at rallies, exact credit still being researched.

Both photos taken at rallies, exact credit still being researched.

This photo was shared by a number of progressive pages recently, and some of the responses are just… wow. There are no words.
First there are a number of defensive men, attacking “feminists” for blaming all men for this type of behavior. I get it.
But then there are these, from the same guy:

oneguy1

I can’t decide what’s more disturbing, the fact that this guy said what he did, or the fact that three people liked it!
Does it get worse? Sure does. Up next we have two – TWO – separate females.
First, there’s the reactionary, who seems to think that men only rape because they can get away with it (and others apparently agree):

onegirl2

Of course! Why didn’t we think of that sooner? All I have to do to stop rape all over the world is fight back? Wait, what’s that you say – women have fought back? But… but rape is still happening. Oh shit. Guess this woman was wrong.

And then this one… onegirl1

Seriously? I left the photo visible, because it’s a picture of four girls (and her cover photo contains 6 girls in a similar stance) in classic ‘we’re at a bar’ poses, all in short skirts, high shoes, some low-cut tight tops, with no less than half of whom are open-mouthed and have their tongues sticking out. So I guess that means someone would assume they don’t need permission to put anything in their mouths.

Not all is lost, however. There are some men out there that make me feel like the world is still a genuinely good place.

oneguy2

oneguy3

Even though the first guy slightly missed the point with the dick comment (even though that was the part that earned my ‘like’), he gets it. And the second guy? I heart him.

I started to post some more of the “pro-rape” comments, but I couldn’t do it. They were disgusting. Look, as women who live in today’s society, we’re not stupid. We know that we’re likely to get more attention depending on what we’re wearing. Let’s face it, this is sometimes done on purpose. There’s a reason it’s called clubwear. It’s about getting noticed. We do, however, reserve the right to decide who we chat with that night, and who we allow to touch us.

Someone commented that if you go out dressed a certain way, “you should expect to be stared at, groped, and have innappropriate comments and stuff” all night. Groped? Groped?! Stared at, yes. Maybe even have comments, although they can cross a line. I went to a Halloween party with a friend who was dressed as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, complete with very short tutu-like skirt, and as we walked by one group of guys, they whistled. One said something about not needing lubrication if he was her tin man (admittedly, I found it pretty clever). Another group of guys, their spokesman said, “Someone’s looking to get fucked tonight.”  It was rude as fuck, and I turned around and gave him a dirty look. Maybe she was looking for such a thing after she went home to her longtime boyfriend, but definitely not from anyone at that party. So comments and staring, okay, fine, maybe we can expect them. We shouldn’t, as it’s still a total violation, and maybe we’re being too lenient with that too.

But groping? We should expect to be groped? I’m sorry, but even strip clubs have a no touching rule, and that is a place that revels in sexuality. You only get to touch if the dancer allows you to. And even then, they are usually the ones in control, placing your hands where they will allow you to touch. So what the hell makes you think that a sexily dressed woman should just stand there and expect that the guy near is going to cop a feel?

What the hell is wrong with people? If the comments on the photo were a Gallup poll, I would imagine that 9 out of every 10 men were rapists, and that 3 out of every 10 women would say it was my own fault.

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About Melissa Limasse

| Real name - Yeah right | Location – The State of Being | Worth - $2,425,486 | Education – B.A. Sociology and Psychology, A.As. in Criminal Justice | Single, childless, and completely satisfied with both, Ms. Limasse doesn’t fit into the traditional “female” mold. Most people would say she’s intimidating. Anything that she says here she has most likely already said out loud View all posts by Melissa Limasse

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