Category Archives: WTF

Why You Should Never, Ever, Ever Get A Tattoo (but Having a Baby is Fine)

The Ugly Volvo

I’m not super pro-tattoo or anti-tattoo.  I’ve debated getting one in the past but never that seriously.  But my mother is vehemently anti-tattoo.  Listed below are the reasons my mother has always given me for why I shouldn’t get a tattoo.

And I understand that she’s from a different generation.  And I love my mother very much.  She’s a really wonderful person and I’m not saying none of them is a legitimate reason, but I’m saying that after having a child, I find it really hard to take any of them seriously.

And so in case you were headed out to the tattoo parlor as we speak, here are:


1.  “A Tattoo is Forever”

Yes, a tattoo is forever.  Totally forever!  Except that a tattoo can, if needed, be erased with a laser.

 *Some of you read that and immediately thought, "I am so exhausted, please I need a laser that can temporarily erase a three year-old," but sorry, that is not a thing that exists.  

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Adventures in Online Dating: Negging

Urban dictionary defines negging as low-grade insults meant to undermine the self-confidence of a woman so she might be more vulnerable to your advances. This can be done in person or online. I believe this can go from both low-grade to pretty damn awful, and I recently heard there was even a scam happening on dating sites to neg women to the point where they end up giving out personal info.

I’d never been negged. Until today.

Okay, so I have a problem not arguing with people. That’s how the Psycho-Child drama unfolded. Luckily, I’m well-practiced at it, and I can make my point without slipping up and giving you any information I don’t want you to know.  This guy. Ha. He must have been new at it, I don’t know, but he tried the door-in-the-face technique first, and when they didn’t work, he moved on to negging. So cute. It’s too bad I’m an argumentative bitch, and if you attempt to neg me, I’ll knock you down even further.


Seriously though? “Let me beat it out the frame?” That’s how you open the conversation? I have a pretty thoroughly written profile, and I indicate several times that I am NOT looking for a random hookup. Please fuck right off if this is your intention. Not. Interested.

I really can’t say much else on this, I believe the exchange speaks for itself. So, for those of you who like to tell me why I’m single, this is why. Because this is what’s out there.

Note: As of December 19, idunkmydick disabled his account.

25 things every woman needs to know.

Well said.

hannah brencher.

1) Life is a steep, uphill battle but it’s fierce & it’s beautiful & you’ll be sad to see it go if you live it right.

2) New people won’t stop coming into your life and opportunities won’t stop knocking on the door but you need to have the space for them. In all you currently have– be them relationships or obligations– step back and ask yourself “why.” If you can find the answer, hold tighter. If the answer escapes you, it’s time to let something go.

3) You should resolve to be awesome for the rest of your life. Right now. Do it.

4) Leggings, no matter how much we wish, will never one day magically transform into pants. Wearing them with tops that don’t cover your bum is not cute. Please, please, please stock up on pants.

5) Goals are not a January 1st kind of thing. Set…

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Adventures in Online Dating: The Intro Message Hook

Yet another item that infuriates me when it comes to online dating is when assholes come up with utter bullshit in order to draw you in. Just state upfront what your goal is. I guarantee that you’ll find someone who is seeking the same. If you’re looking to settle down into a relationship, don’t bark up the tree of someone who just wants some carefree, lusty fun; and vice versa.

That being said, why go through the rigamarole of acting like you’re seriously trying to court someone if you’re just trying to get them in bed? This is a little something I’ve come to call the Intro Message Hook.

You get that message. The person sounds awesome. Someone you think you’ll click with. Their profile is sparse, but what is there is good. You find them attractive. It’s all good. They even acknowledge right up front your number one deal-breaker, and explain why it shouldn’t be one. You think to yourself, this is awesome!

Spoiler Alert: They’ve given you all the lies.

 “You seem like someone with a great head on her shoulders and I think we’d be really good together. I know I’m a little young but don’t let that fool you. I’m actually looking for something serious and I was raised to know how to treat a woman.”

Sounds great, right? He was. Until two hours later, when I responded to that message with a spontaneous invite to chill that night. His name is Joe, and anytime I say ‘Hey Joe’ to someone, I think of Empire Records, in that tone of voice Lucas uses when he says, “Heeeyy…Joe.” You know which one I mean.  So I asked if he’d ever seen it. He hadn’t, so I made a note to myself to suggest that we watch it. He was the one who first asked if I was free to hang out that night. I was.

“Would you like to have some fun together like make out and cuddle and little foreplay and then whatever happens, if not I understand.”


Guess what? He did not understand.
In fact, he became immediately douchey.

My first reaction

My first reaction

He amended his message to read ‘Would you like to hang out and just see how things go?’ Really? Really? Like I can’t tell you’re basically asking the same thing with different words?  I wasn’t in the mood to get into it, so I just told him I had my niece with me and wasn’t available right away, that it would depend when my sister came to pick her up. He asked ‘why can’t you drop her off home?’ Obviously because I’m babysitting you jackass. Even if it was a lie.

He then peppered me every half hour with an update request. Did she call, are you free now, I wanna go on a romantic walk with you. Fuck that, dude. The door in the face technique does not work when it comes to dating, you creepy bastard. Not even dating, considering that you are still a complete stranger to me. The fact that I know your first name does not put us on close ground. I just left it simple, telling him I wasn’t going to be available that night.

But then came the incessant texts the next day. And the day after that. Finally I was just like, look, I’m busy, not to mention, I’m still a little turned off by that text the other night . He gave me his whole ‘I’m just being honest’ thing again, so I was straightforward and said okay fine, then that means your initial message to me was not honest. Also, I’m not interested; I already have a friend for fun.

It seemed to be a repetitive theme through everything he said, that he was just being honest. Other guys will say the same, “I’m just being honest.” Well, if you’re so into honesty, then be upfront when you first contact me. Tell me that you’re looking for a quick hookup over the weekend, so that I don’t bother to think you might be interesting. I’m not worried about you wasting your time, but don’t waste mine.

Blurring the Lines of Feminism: A Criticism of the Criticism of “Blurred Lines”

I’m not really a pop fan, and my opinion of Robin Thicke is really nonexistent. I remember liking that first song that made him big… or second or third, I don’t remember, exactly. And I don’t care enough to look it up either. Anyway, I actually like Blurred Lines. That shit is catchy. And here’s the thing, the song is more about cheating than anything else, and frankly. WOMEN DO EXIST WHO enjoy the attention of the dude across the room, who actually LIKE to be pursued. Even the most liberated, feminist woman can still get freaky and enjoy letting a man take the lead. Jesus Christ. There’s no point in the song that indicates the female subject is resisting or rejecting the advances.
Can’t we just have a fun summer party song? Did anyone ever analyze Lil Jon’s Get Low?


Dear capital-F Feminists, Please Stop the Slut-Shaming. Love, a lower-case-f feminist. 

The first time I heard the funky beats of Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” emanating from my radio, I did what any normal, able-bodied human being would do…I boogied my ass off. But just days after the song’s meteoric rise to the top of the charts, scathing criticisms began to arise, citing sexual harassment, slut-shaming, and victim-blaming among many of the artists’ apparently blatant offenses. Because I could never QUITE make out the words behind Thicke’s panting falsetto, I decided to do my own research into the lyrics and see what was really causing the problem. What I found was shocking. I began reading the words fully expecting to arrive at the bottom not only incensed at their content, but also ashamed that I had ever bopped my head and shaken my buns to the beats.

What shocked…

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I’m Back, You Missed Me.

Welp, here we are…

I now have 3 wonderful kids, they are my every day. I just bought my first house, my hubby is due to start school in a matter of months for a career he’s decided he loves… things are starting to look up for the moment:) I need to figure out what else to put here, will report back when my thoughts aren’t primarily with the migraine.

Internet Hoaxes: Sociopathic Genius

No, I will not be talking about Manti Te’o or What’s-his-face-with-too-many-letters-in-his-name.

Instead, I will be talking about a blog I follow, not with any regularity, just once a month I remember it’s there and I go read all the updates. It’s the Warrior Eli Hoax Group, initially formed to expose a hoax regarding the Warrior Eli case (you can read back on that at the blog). Since then, blogstress Taryn Harper Wright and her team have uncovered a plethora of panhandling people. Some of the lies and drama were set up like a house of cards, once you noticed one lie or red flag, you saw that they were all wrong, and the whole thing comes tumbling down.

Some, however, are built up on such an intricately interwoven web of lies, that all I can do is marvel at the time and effort it must have taken to set it all up.

There are two cases in particular that blow my mind. One is ‘Chelsea Goldberg,’ and to be honest, this one is so ridiculous that I don’t know if I’ll even be able to do the story justice, so I’ll let you read through everything if you so choose. I’ll summarize the best I can:
‘Chelsea Goldberg’ has leukemia. She has several brothers and sisters who all kept up a blog to document her struggles. She also does not exist. The real Chelsea (whose last name I’m not including, just to stay out of any surrounding legal drama that may or may not be real) has two children of whom she doesn’t have custody, has a history of making up stories, and forging financial documents. There is currently a blog that directly states Ms. Wright is a liar, indicating that the author is Chelsea, but Chelsea tells Ms. Wright she did not create or write it (though the wording is nearly identical to one of the comments that one of Chelsea’s sockpuppets posted). Ms. Wright also received a cease and desist letter from a completely nonexistent law firm with verbiage similar to one that I just found online for DirectBuy, proving that it’s very simple to make it up, with a name that cannot be found anywhere, a phone number that no longer exists (though there was a voice mailbox at one point, according to Ms. Wright) and a street address that, as far as I can tell, doesn’t exist.

This person has gone through a lot of trouble to set up her scam. Ms. Wright’s research is very thorough, and she believes that the anti-WEHG and this “cease and desist notice” are not from the real Chelsea. Which means, either someone is trying to scam a scammer, or, possibly Chelsea is even more effed up than anyone realizes, and/or has people helping her. For instance, the letter didn’t come from the same state in which the real Chelsea lives. It is, however, the state that ‘Chelsea Goldberg’ was from.


Another story that amazes me, that had some recent comment updates, is that of Jessica Friend. She is 18, with Hodgkins, began losing her hair before she even started chemo, broke up with her boyfriend but while in the midst of barely hanging on to her life, managed to start dating someone else. Oh, and when she wasn’t busy pretending to be her mom with this cancer story, she was busy pretending to be pregnant and looking for potential adoptive couples. She reached out on twitter to talk to other girls who had done the same. She took this one so far that she contacted couples who were looking to adopt. One of the commenters (who was one of the people that Jess contacted) explained that Jess said she was in a teenage mother group at her school that was run by the school social worker, and that the social worker was going to help her with the adoption. When they referred Jess to their agency, she made up a gmail account with the social worker’s name and emailed the couple and the agency.  This couple was suspicious (why not use the school email, right?) and looked up the social worker’s real name and address on the school website, forwarding her the email. They ended up speaking to school officials, and filing a police report.

Let me just repeat this for you: She contacted couples. To offer them a child. That didn’t exist.

Of all the fakers and scam artists Ms. Wright has outed, this is by far the worst. The other ones, yes, they are damaging to people’s emotions and psyche, and even more so to parents who do have children who are ill, who are watching their own children battle something that they cannot protect them from. Then there are the ones who set up fundraising accounts and intentionally defraud people for money.

But this… she led people to believe that she had a child that they would be able to raise. Fucking disgusting.


So, why do I call this genius? Because just think what these people could accomplish if they turned this into something creative! Stephen King is obviously wacked in the head, but instead of a psychotic serial killer, he turns his thoughts into novels.  If these girls (and it really is mostly girls) could just use these storylines for actual stories, and put the work into a real entertainment source, they could get the attention they obviously crave, but instead of pity and sympathy, get admiration and respect.

Every time I read these, I think of my own “scam” that I once ran, ten years or so ago, to increase exposure for relatively meaningless online awards. I created ten different emails between yahoo, Hotmail, and I think msn to correspond to the ten made-up people in this group I was in. The group was real. The names given were not.  Then I created a community blog page (on livejournal? I honestly don’t even remember) and accounts for each of the names, and even created a few posts, this was supposed to be our group’s main chatting space, to give the names some legitimacy.  I spent an afternoon all of this, altering the post-time on everything, so that they looked like they’d been done over time, a new post every week or so, nothing long, just a summary of what the actual group did that week or events that were coming up, and I distinctly remember the very first post being like ‘welcome to the new page’ or something, so that it wouldn’t look suspicious when the posts only went back by a few months. Then, I would use one of the sockpuppets to nominate myself, and then I would pick two more to do the actual voting, in addition to my own legitimate vote. In short, I voted for myself four times. Now, I didn’t always win, so it’s not like I gained that unfair of an advantage. Also, it was a simple online form, so I’m sure I’m not the only one who voted with multiple emails, though I may have been the only one who went so far to cover their tracks. I kept up the appearance with the group blog thing, and used the multiple emails every time. Other than that, I had no interaction with anyone with these fake names. Ever. After maybe six months, it just got to ridiculous. I still got my 4 votes by using the email to vote, but I wasn’t trying to create an online presence for those names anymore.

And once again, this was to win – and just to get my name mentioned more often – online awards. The award itself is a banner graphic. That’s is. No cash money, no tangible award. These people are spending weeks, months, some of them years, forging relationships under these fake identities. These people, the things they go after…. it’s appalling.

But like I said, the effort some people put into these things is staggering. In the hoax that started it all, Emily had those rubber bracelets made up that said Warrior Eli. I can’t imagine what they cost her. I don’t know how many she got or where she got them from, and I’m sure the more she bought, the cheaper they each got, but she invested serious money into her hoax (anything over fifteen dollars is serious, in my opinion – and I know she spent at least that: I bought 12 bracelets once from a site for our football crew, close to $50).

Seriously, I need to know what is happening in some of these brains.

Double Trouble

I read this article today (the article, NOT the comments), by a guy who I think has given the most honest account of someone facing completely unexpected parenthood, and the entire internet is on his ass. They’re trying to vilify him for spending money on IVF and getting twins when they only live in a one-bedroom and have one child. Who cares about the one bedroom? He’s stressed over it, sure, but having two kids close in age in one room is not an issue. Clearly this couple planned to have a second child, let them pal around in their room until they got to be a little older, then look for something larger. The size of the house is not the issue.

“To say we’re excited would be an exaggeration. More truthfully, we’re pissed. And terrified, and angry, and guilty, and regretful. Why regretful? Because we brought this on ourselves. This is what we wanted, so to speak.”

This guy is blunt and honest. As someone pointed out, it’s not the children they’re unhappy with (and I’m sure once they arrive, both he and his wife would rather die than wish either one away), it’s the situation. They were prepared to bring another child into the world, but instead they’re getting two. Have you ever thought you only had one load of laundry to do and realized it would have to be two? That’s only one afternoon that you’re losing. This is an entire life.  Or else you just overload the washer and do one load anyway. That’s not an option here. It’s completely a case of ‘be careful what you wish for’ in the case of having two embryos implanted. Many people do it, and only one takes. That’s what they were expecting, instead, they got both.

As far as “hoping” for genetic issues… I didn’t read that as precisely as some did. It was a defense mechanism. Somewhere, they realized how horrible it sounds to people that they wish they could “reduce,” so they’re looking for a reason to justify the feeling.

I feel like this is one instance where someone who has no kids (and isn’t trying) doesn’t have a right to an opinion, myself included. I also highly doubt anyone with unplanned and unexpected children can say that they didn’t think, “oh shit,” even for a second.  Will people who are tryingto have kids without success take this as a slap in the face? Of course, as they will any story about abortion or anything similar. However, their reproductive issues are not his or his wife’s problem. He’s nervous, he’s anxious.

However, this was a stark look into trying to plan a family and getting more than you bargained for. The calls for CPS to come take the kids are completely ridiculous. Never once did this man say that he or his wife are considering NOT raising all three of their children to the best of their abilities. They merely expressed a sinking feeling early on where ‘reduction’ may have been an option. I would rather see parents like this all over social media than parents who glorify their kids as if they’re the second coming.

Ridiculous Inventions: Infomercials

I hate infomercials as much as the next guy. It’s no secret that I watch way to much TV, particularly at night. And these infomercial people aren’t stupid, they know what people are watching at night. Shows geared at young adults are full of commercials for checking out college online. You know the ones, with that stupid song, education connection. Market data shows single men watch a lot of comedy central at night. Therefore: all those awful chatline commercials. My favorite is the new one, We Are Seriously? We’re at that point where we don’t even bother coming up with cutesy names? I forgot which one I saw the other night, of the chick sitting on her stairs in her underwear, with sex hair. They really amped up the imagery on that one.

I’m waiting for the day when I see the infomercial on Lifetime, with a half-naked man washing dishes and cleaning the floor, telling me he’s waiting for my call. I’m waiting for your call, jackass. Be proactive!

So… I’ve been laughing at some of these, and I just have to wonder what kind of success these products have. Does anybody REALLY have the problems that the people in these commercials have?

Does anyone really have that hard of a time finding the right lid to a container? If you do, then you need to get your shit together and stop being a sloppy mess, not go spend 20 bucks on 18 more containers. Anyone with an ounce of organizational skills already stacks their containers the way these are set up at 0:54. If your cupboards look the way they do at 0:57, you have bigger problems.

This is a product for someone who has apparently never owned any kind of baking tin. You know, something that serves more than one purpose and will therefore be used more often, instead of just taking up space.

Tortilla guy again! This one takes all of 10 seconds to make me laugh. Anyone who has made it past the age of five and has developed fine motor skills will not have the issues shown in the first 5 seconds. Who flings a pancake over the side of the pan. Why are you using such a small pan and not a griddle or skillet anyway? And who the fuck is using all that butter? I don’t use any butter on the skillet! Also, those “messy” pancakes shown at 0:05 look pretty damn amazing. Also, why call now and make 4 perfect pancakes when I can already make 8 or even 10 when I make them smaller on the skillet? One more example of putting on a band-aid. If you can’t flip a pancake, it’s because no one taught you how to cook one.

If I wanted to put on sunblock with a makeup brush, I would just use the SPF 30 makeup that already exists. Also, many major sunblock brands already come in a stick (like a glue stick) for easy face application. Thanks for the extra inconvenience.

Once again, stop being such a slob. Does anyone really have that many k-cups flying around? Get organized and think outside the box. Everything around you is multipurpose. I keep my nail polish in one of these silverware containers for drawers. Those mini Rubbermaid drawers that most people use as desk organizers? That’s on my dresser, full of makeup, with my brushes in a pen cup that attaches to the side.

This is not any cuter than a regular sweater or hoodie tied around your waist, and the second you stick anything in that pocket that has any shape other than flat, it’s no more attractive than a regular fanny pack. There is no added convenience here. Move on.

One of my biggest pet peeves are commercials dedicated to scaring people. It’s very rare that someone breaks into your house this way. Or the ADT commerical where the man kicks the door in while the woman and her daughter are standing right there in the kitchen. It doesn’t happen. It just doesn’t freaking happen that way.

Oh Trendy Top and Cami Secret. Once again, instead of fixing a problem…  Idea! Buy clothes that fit.  If I want to make sure to avoid plumber’s crack, I wear pants that fit and cover my ass. I layer every single day regardless with camis and regular tank tops. They don’t ride up, they don’t shift around, and they look much better than either one of these products. The Cami Secret? If it attaches to your bra straps and that’s it, then guess what? As you move around during the that, that little scrap that you think is “securely” placed under your shirt is going to work itself up and out. Have fun adjusting that all day long.

As someone who has dealt with a lack of power on multiple occasions, the couple fumbling around trying to make dinner just crack me up. According to this ad, Brooklyn Lantern it will stay lit for 11 years and 151 days. I’m honestly curious enough to buy this and put it in a time capsule just to test this out.

Any person who has ever purchased any one of these things is already banned from my zombie apocalypse survival group. Lack or coordination? Inability to dress? Can’t figure out how to use your surroundings to your benefit? Yeah, you’re gonna get us all killed.  Just go out and save yourself until someone creates an easy fix for your life.

Or Just Delete Me Already!

Or just delete your ignorance.

When Barrack Obama won the last election I was elated.  Not just because the idea of Mitt Romney as our president made me physically ill but because at last the ridiculous garbage spewing would be over.  Oh boy, how I was wrong.  It just goes on and on and on.  On Facebook, on Twitter, in email chains, and at the conservative Christian high school where I teach.  ENOUGH!  I have had enough!  I posted the following rantus on Facebook:

I used to be able to say I liked politics, I no longer do. If you post uninformed ignorance about the president being the devil, or going to jail, or being the Manchurian candidate, or not American, or any of the other nonsense just please delete me. The election is over, can we at least have a couple of years of peace without all this rubbish. I can understand not liking Obama for his policies if you’re a conservative. I get that. Dislike him for the facts, not something Glenn Beck or some other pundit said or some internet chain you read. Please do a little research and inform yourself. Or delete me. Either is fine.

And then I commented because I forgot:

One more thing, the man is not an idiot. He has a degree…..from Columbia……and a law degree from Harvard….he graduated magna cum laude. Give him some credit. How many of you have done that?

And then I remembered again:

“Also, he is not going to come to to your house with the secret service, knock on the door, and take all of your guns. He doesn’t have that authority. He doesn’t even have the authority to legislate it by himself. He’s the president and this is a democracy. This is not a dictatorship.

I really do hope these idiots do delete me.  Or think before they post.

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