Today I was blessed with seeing a link shared by Melissa Limasse, that led me to The first thought that ran through my mind is what the hell is this bitch, out of anyone, doing on a parenting website. Then I realized it was much more than just that, and I think I’ll be frequenting the site more often. With that in mind, the link was an article all about know-it-all parents (particularly moms, because let’s face it, guys don’t commit this social faux pas anywhere near as much as chicks), and I laughed until I peed.

Actually, occurs to me that laughing until I pee takes about two seconds after five kids, so this is a pretty inaccurate way for me to describe something being funny. Okay, I laughed until I would have peed fifteen years ago.

This one is my favorite. We all know someone like this, someone who has to take the most innocent of photos and turn it into a parenting lecture:

STFU Parents
Thank you for your concern, Miriam, but I don’t think these parents could beeee any more careful!! than having Dad holding onto him and staring at his mouth. Not only that, but 14? Similar to this are the responses I receive when I share photos of my own children. If I have a picture of  #3 doing a headstand out on the back patio, and I’m excited because he’s excited (this is a feat that literally took years for him to accomplish), I get likes and other ‘yay’-type comments, but then there’s that one who goes straight to the lecture about how he shouldn’t be doing that on the concrete, because he could fall and break this, fracture that, or sprain the other. Bitch, he’s my kid, if anyone is over-protective of him, it’s me. What would you like me to do, shout at him when he’s halfway in position, scaring him and breaking his concentration, ensuring that he does fall and hurt himself?

When it’s not parenting advice, it shameless grabs for attention. For instance, a small business in Cleveland is currently seeking opinions on whether or not to start making a line of baby food. The owners have a small baby at home, and they currently make their own purees for her. Thinking as the working parents they are, they know that not all parents have the time and ability to make their own baby food, even though they wish they could, and therefore are seeking to expand their business with a line of homemade healthy baby food. Instead of simply saying yes or no, a traditionally braggart mommy felt the need to support it, while also making sure that everyone knew her child would never need such a thing.

If you look carefully at the wording, she’s saying that even though this is of no benefit to her, because her daughter didn’t eat baby food (no matter that this kid is six now and therefore irrelevant to a conversation about baby food) it’s still a good idea. Implying that it technically would only be a good idea if it applied to her child, but since she’s feeling so generous, it’s okay by her anyway. Seriously? The owner of the company goes on to explain that they got the idea by what they feed their baby, and the MommyJacker goes on to draft a dissertation about how amazing her child is, all because she cut her teeth early, and how she’s the only six-year-old she knows that likes fresh fruits and veggies. Dear God, make it stop.

What is it about some parents that makes them think they’re the first people to ever give birth or raise children? I have never (I don’t mean to brag, nor am I lying) – never – proffered parenting advice unless someone explicitly asked me for it. Seriously, unless someone comes to me and asks, “Jess, my kid has/is blah blah blah, what do you think I should do? #2 had this, right? What did you do for her?” then I am keeping my mouth shut. People need to get over themselves.


About Jessénia

Jessénia Natalia Larcombe-Urban is a graduate of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis High School and NYU, where she is a member of Alpha Phi Zeta. The owner and president of Síren Call Records, Sénia has five children and one step son with her late husband. View all posts by Jessénia

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