Category Archives: rape/assault

Rape is Not Sex Redux

Okay, I’ve had it with this bullshit.

According to this guy, rape is always wrong… unless he can jusify it.


I’ll concede that when a woman dresses provocatively, there is a possibility (not a guarantee, but definitely a possibility) she is “asking” for something. She’s “asking” for attention, after which SHE reserves the right to decide WHO touches her, WHERE they touch her, WHEN they touch her, and HOW they touch her. She is not giving full reign for any man (or woman, really) to simply take her without her go-ahead.

This is not up for fucking debate anymore.


Rape is Not Sex

More of a rant than anything, I’m having a really hard time conceptualizing WHY so many people equate rape with someone failing to control their desire, particularly when they victim blame.

Rape is about exerting power over someone. Even if a person takes you home, flirts with you, engages in foreplay with you, they reserve the right to say no at any time. If you choose to overtake them and force yourself on them instead, it isn’t about “controlling your sexual desires,” it’s about controlling that person.

Why is this so hard to understand?

If choice of clothing is the issue, why didn’t anyone blame the victims of Jerry Sandusky for wearing shorts, tight football uniforms, or tank tops?

Both photos taken at rallies, exact credit still being researched.

Both photos taken at rallies, exact credit still being researched.

This photo was shared by a number of progressive pages recently, and some of the responses are just… wow. There are no words.
First there are a number of defensive men, attacking “feminists” for blaming all men for this type of behavior. I get it.
But then there are these, from the same guy:


I can’t decide what’s more disturbing, the fact that this guy said what he did, or the fact that three people liked it!
Does it get worse? Sure does. Up next we have two – TWO – separate females.
First, there’s the reactionary, who seems to think that men only rape because they can get away with it (and others apparently agree):


Of course! Why didn’t we think of that sooner? All I have to do to stop rape all over the world is fight back? Wait, what’s that you say – women have fought back? But… but rape is still happening. Oh shit. Guess this woman was wrong.

And then this one… onegirl1

Seriously? I left the photo visible, because it’s a picture of four girls (and her cover photo contains 6 girls in a similar stance) in classic ‘we’re at a bar’ poses, all in short skirts, high shoes, some low-cut tight tops, with no less than half of whom are open-mouthed and have their tongues sticking out. So I guess that means someone would assume they don’t need permission to put anything in their mouths.

Not all is lost, however. There are some men out there that make me feel like the world is still a genuinely good place.



Even though the first guy slightly missed the point with the dick comment (even though that was the part that earned my ‘like’), he gets it. And the second guy? I heart him.

I started to post some more of the “pro-rape” comments, but I couldn’t do it. They were disgusting. Look, as women who live in today’s society, we’re not stupid. We know that we’re likely to get more attention depending on what we’re wearing. Let’s face it, this is sometimes done on purpose. There’s a reason it’s called clubwear. It’s about getting noticed. We do, however, reserve the right to decide who we chat with that night, and who we allow to touch us.

Someone commented that if you go out dressed a certain way, “you should expect to be stared at, groped, and have innappropriate comments and stuff” all night. Groped? Groped?! Stared at, yes. Maybe even have comments, although they can cross a line. I went to a Halloween party with a friend who was dressed as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, complete with very short tutu-like skirt, and as we walked by one group of guys, they whistled. One said something about not needing lubrication if he was her tin man (admittedly, I found it pretty clever). Another group of guys, their spokesman said, “Someone’s looking to get fucked tonight.”  It was rude as fuck, and I turned around and gave him a dirty look. Maybe she was looking for such a thing after she went home to her longtime boyfriend, but definitely not from anyone at that party. So comments and staring, okay, fine, maybe we can expect them. We shouldn’t, as it’s still a total violation, and maybe we’re being too lenient with that too.

But groping? We should expect to be groped? I’m sorry, but even strip clubs have a no touching rule, and that is a place that revels in sexuality. You only get to touch if the dancer allows you to. And even then, they are usually the ones in control, placing your hands where they will allow you to touch. So what the hell makes you think that a sexily dressed woman should just stand there and expect that the guy near is going to cop a feel?

What the hell is wrong with people? If the comments on the photo were a Gallup poll, I would imagine that 9 out of every 10 men were rapists, and that 3 out of every 10 women would say it was my own fault.

Just a little reminder…

Now that the RNC is over… Let’s take a moment to focus on, what I feel, are some of the most important issues. After all, everything else they talked about was a load of crap.

It seems that everyone, including Romney and Ryan, can agree that Todd Akin (R-MO) is a total idiot. I’m happy to know that they have at least one shred of human decency and common sense within them that they – wait, what’s that? They actually feel similarly?



And Clint Eastwood. Really? Despite the fact that he’s Pro-Choice, doesn’t believe that global warming is anything more than us fucking up the atmosphere, and he supports marriage equality. Yet, there he is,  speaking on behalf of these idiots.

After-action Regret

I want to preface this quickly by saying that I know there are people out there who do cry rape. A friend of mine was once affected by this. When a pair of my friends broke up, a third party slept with him just to rub it in her face that she could, and afterwards, the third party claimed that it was rape. Sorry, no dice. The downside to these instances is that they do call the real cases into question.

And by real, I mean forcible, drugged, underage, date, and any other kind of rape there is, damnit.

That being said, with the exception of some truly messed up people, no one wants to be raped. The cool thing is not to go bang and then pretend it was rape. If you’re trying to make excuses for slutty behavior, it won’t work, because in this victim-blaming society, you’re going to be called a slut anyway.


I don’t even have the energy anymore. On to the graphic…


And there ya go.

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