Category Archives: family

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Victim-Blaming at Its Finest: Ashley Moser

I know that Ms. Moser, and anyone who knows her, will probably never ever see this post, but it makes me feel a little better to write it, so I am.

It is nobody’s business but your own what movie you choose to take your child to, and what time of said movie. Got it? If your child is old enough to sit through a movie, and mature enough to deal with anything in that movie, then go ahead and take that child to the movie. Spending time together, and maybe allowing your child a special treat by getting to stay up late equals good parenting.

But no… there are people like this in the world:

In an earlier post, she said that no responsible parent would ever take a child to a movie at night. Ever. Period. And that the child was there as a lack of common sense.

I have taken it upon myself to reply to her, and will repeat here:

The “mother herself is going to be questioning why she took her out that night” Why don’t we let her question herself then? It’s not anyone else’s job to do so. She committed absolutely zero crimes.  She did nothing that would give any authority a reason to take her child away.

Unless you know what the mother was thinking when she took her daughter to a movie, you cannot say “going to the movie was more important than doing what was right.” That is nothing but pure victim blaming and that is what does not belong. You’re continuing to say the same thing over and over again, all under the pretense that you only blame the gunman.

If a woman chooses to spend time with her child doing something they enjoy, then that is what is right, no matter what time of day. Again, the movie is not as violent as everyone is making it out to be, and if I had a 6-year-old, and she wanted to see it, I would look over parental guides, and judge for myself what my child can handle.

Jane was then informed by a poster that she was was sexually assaulted, and was asked if it was her fault because she chose to go to a strip club? Jane replies:

And she did safeguard her – by being with her. She took her child to the movies, not to a gang party. She had absolutely no reason to think she was taking her daughter into a dangerous situation. Yes, I’m sure the mother will blame herself. I’m sure she’d blame herself if she took her daughter to the playground and a shootout happened. I’m sure she’d blame herself if she was in a car accident and her daughter died. It is up to no one but her to blame herself, even if she should not be doing so.

Luckily, there are other people out there with decency. Tanya and I have gone back and forth with Jane  a few times now.
(Note: Tanya’s profile picture is redacted only because she has children in it.)

To Ashley Moser and her family: I’m not really a religious person, so I don’t feel right saying that my prayers go out to you, but I am sending strong and healthy vibes your way, that Ms. Moser pulls through and that you will all get through this.

Fate. She’s a Bitch.

This is up to over 15,000 shares, and I can only image most of them came today. Seriously, what kind of Final Destination creepiness is this? A different country, time zone, a different month, a whole different side of the continent, and to STILL have your life taken by a crazed public shooter. Rest in peace, Ms. Gwahi. Bless.

A Run On of Thoughts

I can’t get this odd feeling out of my chest. This empty, almost sickening feeling won’t go away. I noticed this feeling when I was in the Eaton Center in Toronto just seconds before someone opened fire in the food court. An odd feeling which led me to go outside and unknowingly out of harm‘s way. It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around how a weird feeling saved me from being in the middle of a deadly shooting.

What started off as a trip to the mall to get sushi and shop, ended up as a day that has forever changed my life. I was on a mission to eat sushi that day, and when I’m on a mission, nothing will deter me. When I arrived at the Eaton Center mall, I walked down to the food court and spotted a sushi restaurant. Instead of walking in, sitting…

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Being a Social Worker in the Wake of a Tragedy

To me, being a social worker in the wake of a tragedy, leads me to feel somewhat differently than many of the general population.  This is true especially in the aftermath of a violent crime.  While, like many, I feel for the victims and their families, their friends.  However, I also can’t help but feel empathetic towards the perpetrator, their family, their friends.  I can’t help but wonder, what happened?  While I do believe everyone ultimately is in charge of their own destiny to a certain degree, I can’t help but wonder…what else?  What else was behind this event, from the perpetrator’s perspective.  Was it mental illness?  Perhaps psychosis related to a mental illness, such as paranoid schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder?  Perhaps, this individual suffered some type of trauma in their life that left them confused, and unable to cope?  And what about their family?  The undoubted hate mail, threats, shame, and guilt that follows such a tragic event, just for being related to this individual.  The love and conflict that they must know feel, as this individual played an important role in their lives, but hating the actions they took, and the impact that it has or will have on them forever.

These thoughts and feelings that I have, they are not meant to sleight the many victims and their families.  I feel for them also, for their loss, for their struggle, their recovery moving forward.  This is not meant to be a mockery of their struggle.

I cannot imagine I am the only one that feels this way, it seems innate, as a human services professional, however, I feel very few individuals will embrace these feelings and speak of them aloud.  If you agree, you are not alone, and it is ok to feel this way.

Childless People are People Too

Today I read Glo’s 10 Things to Never Say to Childless Friends. I was disgusted. Not so much by the article, even though I used to have #3 (you’ll get pregnant in no time) and #6 (have you tried different whatever)  said to me all the time, but by the comments. Are these people serious?

As an admitted human incubator, I know that there’s no way I could have lived my life without having children. This is what made it especially hard to watch my best friend get pregnant when she was actively trying not to, and had no desire for kids, when I was struggling to get pregnant over fifteen years ago.

But even as someone who longed to have kids, I would never ever question the motives of someone who doesn’t want them. Anyone who does, needs to mind their own business. Either that, or these are the same people who cover every inch of their facebook (profile pic, cover pic, every status update and photo album) with their kids, and lose any sense of themselves. This are the people who have nothing else going for them in their lives except their kids. Sorry, I said it. It’s one thing to says, “my kids are my life.” Even I say that. But it’s another to lose your life to your kids.

Do I talk about my kids on facebook? Of course. I talk about them here. But my profile and cover pics are both me, and at least 50% of any status updates have absolutely no mention of my kids.

As a mother, you are still an individual person, just as someone without kids is. So again, mind your damn business.



Damned If You Do…

… and damned if you don’t.

A memorable message from the late Texas Gov. Ann Richards about the right-wing strategy for blaming women and putting moms in a no-win position.

If you’re poor and you choose to stay home with your kids, you are a welfare mother. If you’re middle class and you work, you’re  a lousy mom. It’s so easy to blame women and so hard to tell the truths about why the systems that are supposed to support kids often do not work.

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