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Pro-Birth

Victim-Blaming at Its Finest: Ashley Moser

I know that Ms. Moser, and anyone who knows her, will probably never ever see this post, but it makes me feel a little better to write it, so I am.

It is nobody’s business but your own what movie you choose to take your child to, and what time of said movie. Got it? If your child is old enough to sit through a movie, and mature enough to deal with anything in that movie, then go ahead and take that child to the movie. Spending time together, and maybe allowing your child a special treat by getting to stay up late equals good parenting.

But no… there are people like this in the world:

In an earlier post, she said that no responsible parent would ever take a child to a movie at night. Ever. Period. And that the child was there as a lack of common sense.

I have taken it upon myself to reply to her, and will repeat here:

The “mother herself is going to be questioning why she took her out that night” Why don’t we let her question herself then? It’s not anyone else’s job to do so. She committed absolutely zero crimes.  She did nothing that would give any authority a reason to take her child away.

Unless you know what the mother was thinking when she took her daughter to a movie, you cannot say “going to the movie was more important than doing what was right.” That is nothing but pure victim blaming and that is what does not belong. You’re continuing to say the same thing over and over again, all under the pretense that you only blame the gunman.

If a woman chooses to spend time with her child doing something they enjoy, then that is what is right, no matter what time of day. Again, the movie is not as violent as everyone is making it out to be, and if I had a 6-year-old, and she wanted to see it, I would look over parental guides, and judge for myself what my child can handle.

Jane was then informed by a poster that she was was sexually assaulted, and was asked if it was her fault because she chose to go to a strip club? Jane replies:

And she did safeguard her – by being with her. She took her child to the movies, not to a gang party. She had absolutely no reason to think she was taking her daughter into a dangerous situation. Yes, I’m sure the mother will blame herself. I’m sure she’d blame herself if she took her daughter to the playground and a shootout happened. I’m sure she’d blame herself if she was in a car accident and her daughter died. It is up to no one but her to blame herself, even if she should not be doing so.

Luckily, there are other people out there with decency. Tanya and I have gone back and forth with Jane  a few times now.
(Note: Tanya’s profile picture is redacted only because she has children in it.)

To Ashley Moser and her family: I’m not really a religious person, so I don’t feel right saying that my prayers go out to you, but I am sending strong and healthy vibes your way, that Ms. Moser pulls through and that you will all get through this.

Fate. She’s a Bitch.

This is up to over 15,000 shares, and I can only image most of them came today. Seriously, what kind of Final Destination creepiness is this? A different country, time zone, a different month, a whole different side of the continent, and to STILL have your life taken by a crazed public shooter. Rest in peace, Ms. Gwahi. Bless.

A Run On of Thoughts

I can’t get this odd feeling out of my chest. This empty, almost sickening feeling won’t go away. I noticed this feeling when I was in the Eaton Center in Toronto just seconds before someone opened fire in the food court. An odd feeling which led me to go outside and unknowingly out of harm‘s way. It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around how a weird feeling saved me from being in the middle of a deadly shooting.

What started off as a trip to the mall to get sushi and shop, ended up as a day that has forever changed my life. I was on a mission to eat sushi that day, and when I’m on a mission, nothing will deter me. When I arrived at the Eaton Center mall, I walked down to the food court and spotted a sushi restaurant. Instead of walking in, sitting…

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Being a Social Worker in the Wake of a Tragedy

To me, being a social worker in the wake of a tragedy, leads me to feel somewhat differently than many of the general population.  This is true especially in the aftermath of a violent crime.  While, like many, I feel for the victims and their families, their friends.  However, I also can’t help but feel empathetic towards the perpetrator, their family, their friends.  I can’t help but wonder, what happened?  While I do believe everyone ultimately is in charge of their own destiny to a certain degree, I can’t help but wonder…what else?  What else was behind this event, from the perpetrator’s perspective.  Was it mental illness?  Perhaps psychosis related to a mental illness, such as paranoid schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder?  Perhaps, this individual suffered some type of trauma in their life that left them confused, and unable to cope?  And what about their family?  The undoubted hate mail, threats, shame, and guilt that follows such a tragic event, just for being related to this individual.  The love and conflict that they must know feel, as this individual played an important role in their lives, but hating the actions they took, and the impact that it has or will have on them forever.

These thoughts and feelings that I have, they are not meant to sleight the many victims and their families.  I feel for them also, for their loss, for their struggle, their recovery moving forward.  This is not meant to be a mockery of their struggle.

I cannot imagine I am the only one that feels this way, it seems innate, as a human services professional, however, I feel very few individuals will embrace these feelings and speak of them aloud.  If you agree, you are not alone, and it is ok to feel this way.

Childless People are People Too

Today I read Glo’s 10 Things to Never Say to Childless Friends. I was disgusted. Not so much by the article, even though I used to have #3 (you’ll get pregnant in no time) and #6 (have you tried different whatever)  said to me all the time, but by the comments. Are these people serious?

As an admitted human incubator, I know that there’s no way I could have lived my life without having children. This is what made it especially hard to watch my best friend get pregnant when she was actively trying not to, and had no desire for kids, when I was struggling to get pregnant over fifteen years ago.

But even as someone who longed to have kids, I would never ever question the motives of someone who doesn’t want them. Anyone who does, needs to mind their own business. Either that, or these are the same people who cover every inch of their facebook (profile pic, cover pic, every status update and photo album) with their kids, and lose any sense of themselves. This are the people who have nothing else going for them in their lives except their kids. Sorry, I said it. It’s one thing to says, “my kids are my life.” Even I say that. But it’s another to lose your life to your kids.

Do I talk about my kids on facebook? Of course. I talk about them here. But my profile and cover pics are both me, and at least 50% of any status updates have absolutely no mention of my kids.

As a mother, you are still an individual person, just as someone without kids is. So again, mind your damn business.

 

 

Damned If You Do…

… and damned if you don’t.

A memorable message from the late Texas Gov. Ann Richards about the right-wing strategy for blaming women and putting moms in a no-win position.

If you’re poor and you choose to stay home with your kids, you are a welfare mother. If you’re middle class and you work, you’re  a lousy mom. It’s so easy to blame women and so hard to tell the truths about why the systems that are supposed to support kids often do not work.

MommyJackers

Today I was blessed with seeing a link shared by Melissa Limasse, that led me to mommyish.com. The first thought that ran through my mind is what the hell is this bitch, out of anyone, doing on a parenting website. Then I realized it was much more than just that, and I think I’ll be frequenting the site more often. With that in mind, the link was an article all about know-it-all parents (particularly moms, because let’s face it, guys don’t commit this social faux pas anywhere near as much as chicks), and I laughed until I peed.

Actually, occurs to me that laughing until I pee takes about two seconds after five kids, so this is a pretty inaccurate way for me to describe something being funny. Okay, I laughed until I would have peed fifteen years ago.

This one is my favorite. We all know someone like this, someone who has to take the most innocent of photos and turn it into a parenting lecture:

Thank you for your concern, Miriam, but I don’t think these parents could beeee any more careful!! than having Dad holding onto him and staring at his mouth. Not only that, but 14? Similar to this are the responses I receive when I share photos of my own children. If I have a picture of  #3 doing a headstand out on the back patio, and I’m excited because he’s excited (this is a feat that literally took years for him to accomplish), I get likes and other ‘yay’-type comments, but then there’s that one who goes straight to the lecture about how he shouldn’t be doing that on the concrete, because he could fall and break this, fracture that, or sprain the other. Bitch, he’s my kid, if anyone is over-protective of him, it’s me. What would you like me to do, shout at him when he’s halfway in position, scaring him and breaking his concentration, ensuring that he does fall and hurt himself?

When it’s not parenting advice, it shameless grabs for attention. For instance, a small business in Cleveland is currently seeking opinions on whether or not to start making a line of baby food. The owners have a small baby at home, and they currently make their own purees for her. Thinking as the working parents they are, they know that not all parents have the time and ability to make their own baby food, even though they wish they could, and therefore are seeking to expand their business with a line of homemade healthy baby food. Instead of simply saying yes or no, a traditionally braggart mommy felt the need to support it, while also making sure that everyone knew her child would never need such a thing.

If you look carefully at the wording, she’s saying that even though this is of no benefit to her, because her daughter didn’t eat baby food (no matter that this kid is six now and therefore irrelevant to a conversation about baby food) it’s still a good idea. Implying that it technically would only be a good idea if it applied to her child, but since she’s feeling so generous, it’s okay by her anyway. Seriously? The owner of the company goes on to explain that they got the idea by what they feed their baby, and the MommyJacker goes on to draft a dissertation about how amazing her child is, all because she cut her teeth early, and how she’s the only six-year-old she knows that likes fresh fruits and veggies. Dear God, make it stop.

What is it about some parents that makes them think they’re the first people to ever give birth or raise children? I have never (I don’t mean to brag, nor am I lying) – never – proffered parenting advice unless someone explicitly asked me for it. Seriously, unless someone comes to me and asks, “Jess, my kid has/is blah blah blah, what do you think I should do? #2 had this, right? What did you do for her?” then I am keeping my mouth shut. People need to get over themselves.

Support Local Business: Froyo Culture

Are you in the Buffalo, NY / WNY area? Do you make trips to Amherst, particularly on Transit between Sheridan and Maple? Then you need to mosey on into the Premier Plaza, and head off to the right, down by Chipotle. Why? Because that’s where you will find the most amazing frozen yogurt you’ve ever had in your life.

FroYo Culture is an amazing self-serve mix-n-match frozen yogurt spot (45 cents per ounce ) that is run by an awesome family, and friend of mine. I have frequented the shop roughly about seven times already since their opening three months ago. I would probably make it a weekly trip if it wasn’t slightly out of my way, but I’m settling for once every two or three weeks.

You can’t resist this adorable place.

The best part? Rotating flavors. You can stay up to date to know which flavors are on tap by liking FroYo Culture on Facebook, so then you know when your favorite flavors are available. If you’re not a fan of different flavors, if you like your traditional vanilla or chocolate, no worries, they are pretty much always there for you (sometimes with variations, for instance, I’ve had vanilla, French vanilla, country vanilla, and alpine vanilla), and you can then doctor it up with over fifty – 50  – toppings.

Have you seen a downside yet? Didn’t think so.

  

Today the available flavors were as follows: Original Tart, Green Tea Tart, Carrot Cake, Luscious Lemon, Very Strawberry, Kiwi Strawberry Sorbet, Peanut Butter, No Sugar Added Vanilla, Cake Batter, Chocolate Cherry Cordial, Country Vanilla, and Chocolate Classic.  I helped myself immensely to the cake batter (and it was worth every penny), the kiwi strawberry sorbet, very strawberry, and the country vanilla. I will probably head back there in the next few days for some more of that cake batter; I’d like to mix it with the very strawberry or the kiwi strawberry sorbet to create something of a strawberry shortcake taste.

Now that I’ve finished raving about the yummy part, let me hit the naysayers with the health logic:
FroYo Culture’s frozen yogurt is a good source of calcium and helps regulate digestive function and maintain a healthy digestive tract. It also has increased digestibility for lactose intolerant individuals.  It is made with milk from cows that are not treated with the rBST synthetic growth hormone, and offers no-fat and low-fat varieties as well as being low sodium and low cholesterol. The tart flavor profiles and sorbets are 100% all natural, sorbets are non-dairy, and it’s Kosher certified.

So I say again, what could possibly go wrong here? Quite frankly, there’s something wrong with you if you don’t want to make this your new dessert spot. In fact, make a lunch or dinner trip out of it. You’ve got Moe’s, Chipotle, Applebee’s, Kabob & Curry, Saigon Bangkok, and even Tim Horton’s all right there. Today, my day included an Alfredo Garcia from Moe’s followed by the aforementioned berry-vanilla-cake batter miracle I created. All in all, I’d say it was wonderful.

 

Here we go again. The pro-life, pro-choice battle that never ends.

This photo has been blowing up my Facebook all week long. The captions read: “I have a really awesome life…there’s no prenatal test to predict that.” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Look, I am so glad this child has an amazing life. Their parents made a conscious choice to have a child, a child with Down’s Syndrome. Whether or not they had prenatal tests done to determine this is really of no matter to me. They clearly have the resources to take good care of their child. This child deserves an awesome life. But parents have a right to learn if their child will have special needs. They deserve every opportunity to learn about what challenges they will face in order to make an informed choice on whether or not they have the ability to care for their child physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. This is the ULTIMATE prenatal test: The ability to make this choice, clearly, confidently, and in their individual or family’s best interest.