In a follow up to the work spouse article, I’ve been compelled to further address my work manstress. The average work manstress/mistress is usually just a second work spouse not quite as cool as the first spouse. For instance, my work husband (with whom I clarified yesterday – we’re actually on our five year workiversary, not six) has a work mistress, but she’s in a different department and can supplement the information he already has, which he will then share with me anyway. In my situation, however, my work manstress is a little more than that. I may or may not actually be interested in him. Am I crossing a line with that?
“Ben” and I definitely have conversations that lie far outside the realm of any other work spouse or mistress. Yes, we discuss work stuff, and provide each other plenty of assistance on accounts, but moreover, we flirt and we delve into personal issues. We’ve got this weird but awesome connection that I’m not really sure I’ve ever had with anyone in this particular capacity.
But… if Ben and I ever occupied the same space at the same time, I would totally hit that. Repeatedly. And then a few more times.
So the question is… is continuing to talk to him cheating? I’ve asked a number of people, and the conclusion still eludes me. There is a general consensus that it’s “wrong”, and that subconsciously I know it. The reason? Ben knows about Mark, but Mark doesn’t know about Ben. Well, he knows that he exists, just doesn’t know the extent of our relationship. So, if by not being honest with Mark about Ben, “then you know you’re doing something that you shouldn’t be doing.” Convoluting that: I didn’t tell Ben about Mark until just this week. Which means, that somehow I feel like I’m cheating on both of them with the other. Does this get to a point where it makes sense?
I think it’s more a matter of intent. Like I said, if we were given the chance, if he wasn’t a $250, two-hour plane ride or eleven-hour drive which would also cost about $250 in gas (yes, I just looked it up), this, and I, would be going down. But it’s not like I’m booking a flight or plotting the road trip. So there’s no intentional action happening here. It’s almost like with a celebrity. I think I’ve made it abundantly clear what I would do to/with Kellan Lutz if he ever fell into my man trap, but let’s face it, the likelihood of that day ever occurring is relatively slim (two Twilight conventions and his appearance was cancelled at both… Pretty sure fate is telling me something with that. Also: Don’t judge me). Realistically, sure, there is a far greater chance of me and Ben doing the hibbity-dibbity than me and Kellan, but the point is that we haven’t, and haven’t made any kind of plans to do so.
Granted, should I finally get my shit together enough to make a pilgrimage to visit several friends who currently live in a beach city, I would be flying an airline that has a main hub in his city… and I could potentially choose a flight with an overnight layover… And then find someone to lay over…
But again, it all comes back to intent. I can talk about making plans all day, but it we really wanted this to happen, it would have already happened.
So, as long as I don’t buy a plane ticket, train ticket, print out maps, or start programming my GPS, in my not-at-all-humble opinion, I’m not doing anything wrong. My day flies by during the hours that “Ben” and I are both at work. Those several hours after he goes home for the day are just boring (it doesn’t help that my work husband leaves an hour before that) and I long for his company. However, when I leave, when I’m going to focus on a man, it’s Mark (except for a few rare occasions when I needed some entertaining thoughts *wink*). We have great chemistry, seriously electric sparks, and I’m not willing to give that up. Maybe that makes me selfish, who knows, but until the day comes where I’m planning to find myself in his city (or he’s planning to find himself in mine), then it’s not something I’m going to worry about.